I am at a pivotal point in my life, and i’m clueless. When I say “I’m clueless” i’m not referring to one of the best movies of all time- I really mean I am clueless. I’m 21, fresh out of college, and at a Job on Madison Ave, in NYC. I just read those two sentences out loud and couldn’t help but roll my eyes into oblivion. Let me start off by saying this, I am blessed and I am extremely lucky and grateful for everything that has come my way. There are people who I’ve graduated with who still work two retail jobs, and can’t find a “real job” in their field.
So how am I clueless? I’m clueless because even though on paper (or blog) it seems like my life is going in the right direction, I, myself however am not so sure. I worked hard to get where I am right now, contrary to what some individuals might think. All throughout college I held multiple internships and jobs, and to make my resume stand out even more I even studied abroad in London.
My cluelessness comes into play when I think about the question ‘what now?’ Everything that I’ve worked for has lead me to where I am now.When your in college the big thing is finding a good job right when you graduate. I did that. Actually I found a great job. My problem is that I have a whole bunch of interests, and love learning new things; however if i’m not in love with it after a while I get bored. I’m afraid that’s what happening at the job i’m at now.
I think it’s important for me to mention that the job I am at now, is not in the field I want to be in, nor is it a field I ever saw myself working in. The job I am at now is a good stepping stone into the industry where I really want to be in. One of the main reasons why I accepted this job offer is because it was something I had never done before, and I also thought the skills that I would learn would help me further down the line. The main reason why I took the job is because of the money, it’s really good.
I mentioned above that I studied abroad in London, but I didn’t mention how I fell deeply in love with the city and I’m looking to go back there in the winter for graduate school. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the currency exchange, the American dollar is basically worthless in the UK. So money is important.
Once again it seems like, i’m not actually clueless, and am just using this as an opportunity to brag about my life; but I promise you i’m not the bragging type. I do however need to figure a couple of things out. One of them being is moving to London for almost 2 years worth it? The field I want to go into, school isn’t really necessary, it’s more about the experience. On top of that like I said earlier money is important. Although I am saving up money, I would still have to take out a loan, which would be added on to my other loans from the wonderful 4-years of my undergraduate studies (cue eye roll).
Oh did I mention that my mother is completely against me going?! I’m not one of those kids who needs their parents stamp of approval, but it would be nice to have support. Let me clarify that my mom is not a monster and she does support me in everything that i do, she’s just worried about the massive loan I’ll have to take out and honestly so am I.
Maybe the reason why i’m pushing London so hard is because i’m not ready to be a grown up yet. I hate waking up at 6 a.m. every morning, I hate it. Wanna know what I hate even more than that? Being in bed by nine every night, to wake up on time every morning. I’m not ready. I’m especially not ready because it’s not the field I want to be in. Also one of my friends (who i met in London) is going back for her post graduate studies too! And let me tell you, I do not want to go on Snap Chat and see her living her life in London happy as can be, while i’m mad and grumpy at 6 in the morning. By the way I hate being left out/ feeling like i’m missing out on something. Me not being in London makes me feel like I’m missing out on something.
I’ve been dying to go back to London before I even left the first time around. Whenever I have doubts about going back to London maybe I just have to think about how London made me feel, and worry less about the money and all the other little things.
I’m clueless about so many other things: friends, love life, surgeries, myself, my family and just life in general. But for now I won’t bore you into reading any more of my rambling.
What can I say im just a clueless 21 year old with a bad case of wanderlust.